Sidney C. Walker
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October 2010

Saying What's Real...
by Sidney C. Walker

 


This is the title of the most recent book by Susan Campbell, PhD, who is an accomplished author, therapist, coach and international speaker. Susan's expertise is more on relationships than sales but if you are taking the "relationship-builder" approach to selling instead of the "client-controller," this is a worthwhile read. Plus, it will do wonderful things for your communication with family and friends.

 

When I was reading this book, I was finding all kinds of ways to apply Susan's brilliance to a selling situation. One of the phrases she's uses to get at a deeper level of communication with someone is: "When I hear you say that, I feel __________."

 

Here is an example of how she uses this phrase in a conversation. Jorge is telling Patrice he has a beef he wants to clear up with her:

 

Jorge: I have a beef to clear with you about the number of times you have started to talk before I am finished. I felt irritated when you said, "Wait a minute, that's not quite it!" while I was telling Tom and Margie about how we got such a good deal on our new car.

 

Patrice: Hearing you say that, I feel angry.

Jorge: Hearing you say that, I feel cold toward you.

Patrice: Hearing you say that, I feel afraid.

Jorge: Hearing you say that, I feel connected to you.

Patrice: Hearing you say that, I feel relief.

Jorge: Hearing you say that, I feel soft toward you.

Patrice: Hearing you say that, I feel soft toward you and sorry I said "Wait a minute."

Jorge: Hearing you say that, I feel appreciation, and I feel forgiving toward you.

Patrice: Hearing you say that, I feel grateful – grateful for your forgiveness and grateful to you for telling me about your beef.

Jorge: Hearing you say that, I feel complete. I feel open and loving toward you.

 

I don't know about you, but I would rather have this kind of empowering and relatively short conversation over some of the conversations I have had in similar situations. I have been using Susan's phrase whenever I can and it is magic.

 

So where can you use this approach in a sales interview? The sales interview is not as personal as the conversation above but you can move in that direction. One way to use this phrase is when you want to get to a deeper level about how your client feels and you want to clarify exactly how they feel:

 

(One caution, be careful to not to sound critical or negatively judgmental when using this approach. You are just stating what you feel or perceive. It may or may not be true. You are checking it out.)

 

Advisor: "What do you want that you don't have in relation to your money?"

Client: "I want to feel more peaceful about my financial future?"

Advisor: "When I hear you say that, I hear some fear or concern about the future…"

Client: "Yes, I am scared to death about the direction things are going."

Advisor: "If you could wave a magic wand and get whatever you wanted, what would you change?"

 

Advisor: "Are you happy with what your money is doing for you?"

Client: "No! Who can say they are happy with what is happening with their money!"

Advisor: "When I hear you say that, it sounds like your are upset with what is happening with your money?

Client: "Yes, I guess I am upset."

Advisor: If you could get some help without having to buy anything, would that be helpful?"

Client: "Sure. But sounds too good to be true."

Advisor: "Actually, that's exactly what I do."

 

Client: "My wife is an attractive women, she can remarry."

Advisor: "When I hear you say that, it feels like you may be forcing your wife to find a new husband as soon as possible if something were to happen to you. Is that really the position you want to put her in?"

 

Whenever you share what you feel with the client in a vulnerable way ("When I hear you say that, I feel...), that is more gutsy and personal. Your relationship will go to a much deeper level is you share yourself in this way. Here is an example:

 

Client: "I am worth more to my wife dead than alive."

Advisor: "When I hear you say that I feel sad. It feels like you think that your value to your wife is only money and not the love you two have for each other?"

 

Check out Susan Campbell's book Saying What's Real – 7 Keys to Authentic Communication and Relationship Success. This book is easy to read, the techniques are easy to use and all the people in your life are going to benefit.

 


 

Special Announcement

 

THE BOOK ABOUT LIFE INSURANCE that made the New York Times best-seller list... Check out my interview with Pamela Yellen, author of Bank on Yourself, here is the replay link:

 

www.SellingWithoutWrestling.com/bankonyourselfreplay.htm

 

If you decide to apply for a relationship with BankOnYourself.com, mention my name and someone will get back to you right away. They get a ton of inquiries every day. If you don't hear from someone within a few days, send me an email and I will make sure your application gets processed right away.

 

Have a productive October,


Toll-free: 877-985-3297
sid@sidwalker.com

 


 

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