Sidney C. Walker
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July 2012

"Relationship-Builders Do Things by Feel..."
by Sidney C. Walker


The coaching clients I attract are what I call relationship-builders rather than controlling or analytical. Relationship-oriented advisors care about people deeply. They actually care more about their relationship with their clients than they care about making a sale. Sure, making sales is important but a relationship-oriented advisor is not going to jeopardize the relationship with the client in order to make a sale. Controlling and analytical advisors don't place as much value on the relationship. The controlling advisor wants to make the sale no matter what it takes and is willing to be confronting to get it. The analytical advisor wants the client to see the genius of his thoughtful solutions to the client's challenges. Neither the controlling or analytical advisor is typically concerned about how the client feels while they are going through the sales process because that is not their focus.


If you are a Relationship-Building advisor (RB), you are going to more feeling-oriented. If you are more feeling-oriented, what works for you is very different than what works for the super controllers and big time analyticals. Here are a few examples:


• Many RB's are "pilers" rather than "filers". You likely remember where you put things based on the feeling of putting it there. The worst thing you can do to a true piler is to put everything away without their knowledge. They won't know where anything is! Some pilers are ok letting an assistant file or toss some of the paperwork but the really important stuff has to stay in piles that they can see. And, don't you dare touch those piles!


• Most RB's think they need to be more organized to be more successful. That sounds logical but it isn't really an option for most RB's. When I meet an RB who is very feeling-oriented and a piler who tells me they want to be more organized, here is what I tell them: "It's not going to happen. You are never going to be more organized so stop wasting your time. The best thing to do is to learn how to have a little more focus and a little more structure. The simpler the better. But, being more organized isn't how you do things and it's really more work than it's worth. Of course, you can hire an assistant who is more organized. (Often RB's hire assistants with great people skills but limited organizational skills. More on that next time.). For the most part, being more organized is going to help the controllers and the analyticals, not the feelers.


• Most of my clients think they have ADD because they have trouble focusing on one task for long periods of time. What I want to know is who says it's better to be able to focus on one task for long periods of time? Especially if you don't feel much of anything because you are so focused. For most RB's, they feel they have ADD because those pesky feelings make them more prone to being distracted. It doesn't mean they can't focus. Feeling and including those distractions is what gives you better people skills than the other folks. Feeling things is what gives you your charm and warmth. Super focused people are not usually very charming or warm. For an RB, it is more important to have a little ADD in order to keep people feeling you are the wonderful person that you really are!


• You need to be doing what feels right to you or it won't work. You are probably doing a lot of things that don't actually feel right. Why do you do that? Because some well-meaning person told you that you had to do things a certain way to make a living in this business. The problem is that most of the training you get is for intellectuals (controllers, analyticals), not feelers.


For example, the conventional wisdom says when you make prospecting telephone calls you are supposed to make an appointment or you have failed. If you are a feeler, just making an appointment is not the objective. As an RB, your objective is to find someone who is interested in meeting with you. If you are an RB, and you get an appointment with someone who is not that interested, you are not going to go out there and make them interested. That is not what you do. Controllers and Analyticals think they can make people interested. For an RB, it's a waste of time. If the interest is not there, politely get off the phone and make another call!


Another example, most RB's have trouble closing with any power because you don't like to pressure people. What that means to me is that you have been trained to close people by finding reasons for them to buy. If you are an RB, you change your objective from trying to push for a sale to helping the client make an educated decision that feels right to them which actually includes not doing anything. If you use all your energy and creativity to help people get exactly what they want rather than trying to talk people into what you are supposed to get them to buy, your life will change overnight! So will your closing ratio along with your bank account.


Do you ever feel like you are not putting our strengths to their best use? Do you ever feel like you didn't get the training that best fits your values? Do you ever feel uncomfortable with the way you prospect, ask for referrals, or close? You are most likely in the body of a Relationship-Builder (RB) with the head of a controller and/or analytical because that was how you got trained. That describes most of my coaching clients by the way.


There is hope. A long time ago, I was an Analytical, Client-Controller. I was good at it. But I never liked how it felt to me. I have spent most of my career learning, teaching, and being an advocate for the RB's. As far as I can tell, I have the biggest website for Relationship-Builder Financial Advisors. Check out my website, There is a 7-day free trial so you can see for yourself how the best Relationship-Builders do it. There is nothing more fun and empowering than learning to do your job more effectively just being yourself!


Enjoy the summer weather,

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